let's begin at the beginning

The reason I'm writing this blog, is that for some time now I've had the sneaking suspicion I might be in the wrong profession. Scratch that, let me re-phrase. I am in the wrong profession. It's not that I don't like my job, or the people I work with, it's that, fundamentally, I feel out of place. Although I've known since, I think, almost the beginning of my career in the corporate world that this would not be a life-long thing for me, at the time there seemed to be a possibility that maybe, just maybe, I could act like a normal person long enough to become a manager of something or another. Because that's what successful people do; they manage other people. At least, that's how it works in my head. At this point, 4 years out of college, it is becoming painfully obvious that I will never manage anyone.... ever.


Case Study #1. An email I recently received:

"The documents are short and looking forward, most belong with X for process ownership, oversight and rewrite.  Y worked too independently and as I review the presentation, wonder who vetted this and authorized the information exchange."


I read the paragraph above, and my first thought was, I never want to talk like this. It’s well-written, concise, and conveys a meaningful message, but still, I never want to talk like this. It’s business jargon, as simple as that. At least, I know in my day to day life I never use phrases like “process ownership” and “information exchange.” It’s as if I spoke English all my life and suddenly you wanted me to learn Portuguese. There’s nothing wrong with Portuguese, it’s beautiful in its own way, and it serves a purpose. But I don’t ever have plans to go to Portugal, do you see what I’m saying? The point is, instead of thinking ohhhh, I hope one day I can sound this professional, I thought, someone shoot me if I ever sound like this. (In real life, I would LOVE to go to Portugal. Maybe I should akin this more to picking up a New Jersey accent?) 


I couldn't figure out why my reaction was so negative to this email. I very much respect the person who wrote it - I consider them an incredibly intelligent, professional, and personable individual. There was certainly nothing offensive in the email. But then it hit me, this isn't who I am, and more importantly, it's not who I want to become. I have no desire to be a business professional. Which in some ways, is a great realization, because it means I've at least narrowed down my life choices by one. Business - out. That only leaves academics, technical jobs, artistic jobs, non-profit work.... well, the list goes on. So here starts the long, hard journey of finding a purpose in something else, and hopefully a profession along with it. Making a living by doing what you love - that's the dream, right?  What I'm hoping is that there are other people out there, facing the same dilemma, who might take comfort in knowing they're not alone. In knowing that some of us just aren't cut out for the jobs we're doing, and that's OK. In addition, that it's a WORTHWHILE GOAL to set out trying to find the things you love to do, because ultimately what you love is what you will excel at.  


Cheers.